Part 8 of more than 6 parts.
Monkey Head Butting!
m a davis/miko [email protected]
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This was going to be the last chapter of my story. However, I caved into reality when I realized that part 8 was threatening to be much longer than even part 7 (over 50k). So, I cut it in half. Part 9 will definitely be the end, and is close to being done, although I keep adding scenes. ^_^
Thanks to my prereaders this time around, Harold Ancel and Mike Allen, arigato! My story was improved! To those who offered but were ignored or who ignored me, gomen nasai! ^_^ If you want to preread part nine tell me!
Characters are copyright Takahashi Rumiko, no infringement intended. This is a fan work only, not for profit.
Monkey Head Butting
PART EIGHT
A small fire burned in the back yard of the Tendo Dojo. A young red-haired girl leaned over it, her eyes focused on the hot flames. For several moments she remained frozen, then her hands became a blur as they darted in and out of the fire. On each pass, she pulled out a small round object.
"Did you see that?" she exclaimed excitedly. She held out the objects in her hands. "Did you see me do that? That's the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken! The chestnut fist! Can you believe I did that? Did you see how fast my hands moved?"
Seated on the engawa was a girl with dark, short hair, wearing shorts and a simple top. Her head was propped up in her hands. She looked bored, and more than a little annoyed.
"Yeah, whatever," she said.
"I'm going to do it again!" the redhead said, and she did.
"Can you believe how fast I am?" she exclaimed.
"Big deal," the second girl said. "It's only because you're in my body."
"Hey, Ranma," the redhead said, "want to arm wrestle?"
"No!"
"Come on! Just once!" When her offer got no response, the redhead said, "Okay, then, let's spar. I promise I'll go easy on you, this time! Maybe you'll actually beat me!"
The dark-haired girl closed her eyes and sighed. "Man, all I want is to get my own body back, okay?"
Akane, the red-head, sat down next to Ranma, the dark-haired one. "I know," she said. "Maybe we should help put Tofu-Sensei's book back together."
"If you ask me, we should talk to the old ghoul," Ranma said.
"Dad wouldn't like that...."
"Hey, if he was in your body, would he hesitate? He'd be at the Nekohanten in a flash!"
Akane made a strange face. "Dad, in my body? Ugh. Why did you have to suggest that, Ranma? That's sick."
"It could be worse," Ranma said. "You could switch with my dad. Or Kuno, or Kuno's dad, or Kuno's sister, or even Happosai...."
"Ranma, knock it off!" Akane yelled. "Yuck! Now I'm going to have nightmares from just thinking about all of that!"
"Sorry."
The two stared at the koi pond for a while.
"I wonder where P-Chan is?" Akane said. "I haven't seen him for several days."
A large sweatdrop appeared on Ranma's head.
"Oh, you know him," Ranma said, "always wandering off. I'm sure he'll turn up eventually."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," Akane said. "Still, I can't help worrying. What if something's happened to him? He's only a little pig. He could be in a lot of trouble!"
"I'm sure he's all right."
"Well," Akane said, looking down at herself and then at her fiancée, "I'm not sure I'd want him to show up just now. He'd probably be scared of me, and I'm sure you'd do something mean to him."
Ranma didn't have an answer for that one. Akane raised an eyebrow.
"Promise me, Ranma, if P-Chan shows up, you'll be nice to him! Don't do anything mean, okay? I don't want him scared of me. Promise?"
"Sure," Ranma said. "If I see the pig again, I'll try to be nice."
"You have to do better than try, Ranma!" She paused, and then got a gleam in her eye. She laughed. "Remember, Ranma, I'm in your body now. I can cause a lot of problems for you in a short amount of time."
Ranma swallowed hard, realizing the truth in those words. If he caused any real trouble for Akane, she could more than pay him back, and with very little effort.
"I promise, Akane," Ranma said.
"I heard that, Ranma!"
Ryoga shoved his way through the bushes in the corner of the yard and came forward. He looked straight at Ranma -- the real Ranma, the one who looked like Akane. "I knew something was strange last night! I knew Akane could never act that way! You jerk, Ranma! Why are you in Akane's body? You're an even bigger pervert than I thought!"
"Ryoga?" Akane asked. "You were here last night? With Ranma?"
The wanderer froze. "A-A-Akane," he said, nervously. "I-I-I-I was... I..."
"Oh," Ranma said, "didn't I tell you? When I went upstairs, guess who I found in your room?"
Akane's eyes went wide. "Ryoga? You were in my room? What in the world were you doing in there?"
Ryoga's face took on a look of absolute horror. "I wasn't..." he said. "I mean, I didn't... it wasn't... AAAAAAARGH!!!"
Ryoga turned and fled, vanishing in a single moment. Akane blinked in confusion, then looked at Ranma.
"Hey, I tried to be nice," Ranma said, defensively.
"Honestly, Ranma, what's with that boy? What was he doing in my room?"
"Don't worry about it," Ranma said. "He was probably just lost or something. Do you really think he could find your room on purpose?"
***
Akane and Ranma sparred out back. Kasumi, Father, and Mr. Saotome watched while drinking tea. Happosai was off doing whatever it was he did with his collection. Nabiki looked around once more, making absolutely certain she was alone.
Nabiki picked up the phone.
Moments later, after a mercifully brief conversation with the Black Rose, Nabiki heard Tatewaki Kuno.
"Nabiki Tendo, greetings," Kuno said with in his usual calm, collected voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice?"
"Kuno," Nabiki said, "are you still interested in that date with Akane?"
There was a huge intake of breath on the other end of the line. "YES! OH, YES! Nabiki Tendo, can you truly arange this thing for me? Praise the heavens above! Surely you are like an angel sent from my noble ancestors in my darkest hour of need!"
Nabiki smiled. Oh, but this was going to be easy! It was like stealing cream from a kitten!
"I can arrange it," Nabiki said, "but it's going to cost you, Kuno. Earlier, you said I could name my price."
"Yes! Those were indeed my very words. Name it, Nabiki Tendo, and I will be forever in your debt!"
Nabiki named her price.
There was silence at the other end.
The silence continued for one minute, then two.
"Hello? Kuno?" Nabiki said. "Are you there?"
The phone line went dead.
Nabiki frowned, putting the phone down. She took a step back, staring at it.
Could it be that even Kuno had his limits?
She fought the panic rising within her breast. Visions filled her head of bankruptcy, of going hungry and of selling flowers on the street. What if she had to borrow money? Who would have sympathy for her? What... what if she had to borrow money from Ranma?
*No. This can't be happening,* she thought. *I know Kuno too well! His obsessions border on the psychotic. He meditates on his two loves. He has giant photos of them covering his walls. He plans entire days around his pursuit of them. I know he has the money; how can he refuse to pay?*
It's just one date, a part of her mind replied. It's something he might reasonably expect to arrange himself. He has his samurai pride. Why does he need you?
Could it be that she needed Kuno more than he needed her? She found the very idea sickening.
Nabiki willed herself to remain calm. Kuno was just momentarily stunned; he'd call back. He was desperate... more desperate than her. He had to call.
***
Soun and Genma were seated on the engawa out back, sipping iced tea and taking in the beautiful day. The sun shone bright, a light breeze tugged at the trees, and everything was well with the world.
Soun smiled at his friend. "Kasumi's back to normal," he said. Indeed, his eldest daughter knelt nearby, a smile on her face, looking none the worse for wear. "Everything's better now, friend Saotome. True, we may never discover the secret of monkey head-butting, but that hardly matters, does it?"
Akane and Ranma, sparring in the yard, both paused.
"Truer words were never spoken, friend Tendo. The future of the dojo is secure once more."
"But Father," Kasumi said, "Ranma and Akane are still in the wrong bodies."
"That may be," Soun replied, "but that doesn't prevent them from getting married...."
"WHAT?" Ranma and Akane yelled together.
Genma nodded sagely. "Yes, Soun, it hardly matters if my son marries your daughter, or if my daughter marries your son... the school will be maintained either way."
"Too true, Saotome. I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a son."
"Literally, Tendo, literally!"
Akane and Ranma stared at their parents, dumbfounded.
"Me marry a girl?!?" Akane yelled. "In your dreams! Dad, how could you suggest such a thing? Not to mention I'd be, in essence, marrying myself!"
"I am NOT going to be anyone's bride! Especially that kawaiikune tomboy's!"
Akane spun on Ranma, eyes lit with anger. "Look who's talking! YOU'RE the kawaiikune tomboy now!"
"Then I guess that makes you the stupid hentai!" Ranma fired back.
"Me? You're the pervert! I bet you're enjoying being in that body of mine."
"Hey! I didn't ask to be put in this flat-chested, wide-hipped, uncute..."
From nowhere Akane produced a giant mallet and laid it upside Ranma's head. The dark-haired girl sailed into the koi pond, and came up sputtering.
"Now look what you made me do!" Akane yelled. "I'm hitting my own body!"
"What I made you do? I didn't make you do nothing!"
"Oh, Akane," Kasumi said, "you really shouldn't be hitting girls you know, now that you're a boy. I mean, I realize you're not a boy right at the moment, but... oh, this is so confusing!"
Soun and Genma laughed. "You see?" Soun said. "Nothing's really changed. We're practically back to normal!"
"Another thing," Genma said, "Ranma's become a good cook and a good housekeeper. She doesn't need the bridal training that Akane would."
"Bridal training!" Akane yelled. "Give me a break!" She placed a hand to her forhead. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. From my own family, yet!"
"Akane's right, Father," Kasumi said. "It wouldn't be right for Akane to be the husband and Ranma the bride."
Genma frowned, rubbing his chin with his hand. "Well, there's always the nannichuan... the spring of drowned man. We can dunk Ranma into it, and then let them decide who's to be the wife and who's to be the husband..."
"An excellent idea, friend Saotome!"
"Father!" Akane exclaimed.
Ranma smirked. "Hey, that could work. How do you think this body would look as a man? I mean, as uncute as it is, I'm already halfway there. And avoiding hot water would be a lot easier to do...."
"Ranma, you idiot! Get serious! You can NOT keep my body!"
Genma stood up. "No use arguing about it now," he said. "If we don't discover the secret of monkey head-butting in the next few days, then we can talk about this again." He turned to Akane. "Come, Akane, what would you say to a little sparring? I'm interested to see how much you can do in that new body of yours."
"It's not 'my new body'!" Akane said. "This is just temporary." But when Genma jumped to the roof, she quickly followed.
Ranma watched them go. "A little bit too eager there, aren't you, Akane?" she asked, of no one in particular. "Man, I'm gonna go nuts if this doesn't get solved soon."
***
Ranma studied the list of ingredients and order of preparation carefully.
As usual, she related cooking to martial arts. With cooking, you had to do everything as instructed. Improper timing or minor mistakes with the ingredients could ruin everything, just as a slow or improper move to block could mean lights out in a match. Some of the maneuvers required for good cooking were like katas; practice made perfect.
Ranma had been practicing. Not only was she ready to prove Happosai wrong, she was also ready to prove that good food could come from the hands of Akane, so long as someone else controlled them.
"Let's see," she muttered to herself, "Chicken, check. Pork, check. Yunnan ham, check. Beefsteak, check. Shrimp, check. Cucumbers, scallions, carrots, garlic, chilies, bell pepper, cauliflower, zucchini, beans, a little ginger root... yeah, I got it all. Stock from Cologne, check. Spices, sauces, oils, rice wine...." She paused to roll up her sleeves, then performed a simple kata to center herself. "Okay! Let's go to it!"
Moments later she had most of the chicken boiling in a pot and began slicing and dicing the rest of the vegetables in preparation for the main bout of cooking.
***
Nabiki Tendo sat at the foot of the stairs, near the phone. She'd been there an hour, answering every time it rang. So far she'd had two wrong numbers, someone conducting a radio station survey, and a dojo student calling to say he was sick and would miss tomorrow's class. Still, Nabiki held out hope that Kuno would call back. She didn't, at this point, have any other option.
The phone rang. "Got it!" Nabiki called out, snatching up the phone once again.
It was Kuno. Nabiki felt confidence surge through her again. She tried to remain calm.
"Kuno-sama," she said, her voice composed. "I was afraid you'd given up on your sweet Akane."
"Never!" Kuno replied with conviction. "However, Nabiki, you have placed an outrageous price on this date. If it were not for my great love of the beauteous Akane Tendo, I would never agree to it."
"Then you agree?" Nabiki tried to quell the excitement in her voice.
"Yes," Kuno said. "I will have the money deposited to your bank account on the morrow, providing this evening's date is satisfactory."
"Satisfactory?" Nabiki asked, brought up short. "What, pray tell, do you mean by that?"
"One," Kuno said, "Akane will be ready for me at 4:30 exactly. Two, Akane and I will dine in one of the finest restaurants in Nerima, without interruption. Three, we will walk in the moonlight and speak of our love for each other. Four, when I have escorted her to the gates of the Tendo domicile, we will kiss passionately, just as the pig-tailed girl and I have done. These four things are what I require for a successful date, Nabiki Tendo. Only then will I feel that I have treated my two loves with equality."
Nabiki blanched, wondering if she could actually go through with this. But she needed the money, more than she'd ever needed money in her life. She swallowed hard.
"Okay," she said, managing to sound confident, "but you'll meet Akane downtown, not here. Name the place, and she'll be there. I... ah, hope the two of you have a wonderful time...."
***
The name for Bon-Bon (or Bang-Bang) Chicken comes from the way the meat is beaten in order to tenderize it. Ranma pounded away, thinking that this was a part of the recipe that Akane could really get into.
*Guess all of that brute strength is good for something,* she thought to herself. *I wonder what else I can do with it?*
"Ohmygod! Akane?"
Ranma looked up. Nabiki stood in the kitchen doorway, looking horrified.
"Don't worry, Nabiki," Ranma said. "It's only me, Ranma."
Relief washed over Nabiki's face. "Oh, yes, of course, I forgot. It was just the shock of seeing Akane in the kitchen...."
"Exactly what is that supposed to mean, Nabiki?"
Akane and Genma came through the front door, dripping sweat, having worked out for over an hour. Genma beamed. "She's nearly as good as Ranma!" he exclaimed.
Akane smiled. "That was actually fun!" she said. "Although you need to stop calling me 'boy'."
"Sorry, boy... force of habit."
Genma came to an abrupt halt as they reached the entrance to the kitchen. Fear crawled over his face.
"It's not Akane, remember..." Nabiki said.
"Oh, yes," Genma replied, composing himself.
"Hey! I'm standing right here you know!" Akane said.
"Well, as I was saying... with her training, Akane's far better prepared to take advantage of Ranma's body and reflexes than Kasumi was. Why, within a month or two she could probably duplicate Ranma's skill exactly!"
"Mr. Saotome, I'm NOT going to stay in Ranma's body for 'a month or two'! We're going to switch back as soon as possible!"
"That's right," Ranma said. She began shredding the chicken with her hands. "Besides, fighting is half mental. She might have my reflexes, and strength, but that doesn't make her my equal."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Akane retorted. "Are you trying to say I'm stupid or something?"
"Hey, don't twist my words around!"
"If anything," Nabiki said, "Akane's smarter than Ranma. She gets consistently better grades..."
"She might be a better student in English and Math," Ranma growled, "but I'm the better student of martial arts!"
"Hey, I'm a martial artist too!"
"Ranma's right, for once," Genma said, "hard as it might be to believe...."
Ranma rolled her eyes. "No respect at all..." she muttered.
"Akane doesn't have Ranma's experience to draw upon," Genma continued. "That can only come with time and many battles."
"I've been in a few battles too, you know," Akane said.
"Sure," Ranma replied, "but you've got to admit, none of them were as brutal as yesterday with Mousse."
"Well..." she said, "after all, he is pretty good."
Ranma nodded. "Right now, you're a match for Mousse, not to mention Kuno, Ukyo, or Shampoo... but you're no match for Ryoga, to say nothing of Tarou or Herb."
"You're no match for Tarou on your best day," Akane retorted.
Genma wandered off towards the bathroom, while Soun Tendo appeared from the family room. Soun took one look into kitchen and began to sweat. "A... Akane?" He asked.
"It's not me, Dad. Remember?"
"Oh, yes," he said, laughing nervously. "Thank goodness for that!"
"Sheesh! When are you people going to grow up?!? I'm not THAT bad a cook!"
***
Nabiki jumped up to answer the door the moment the doorbell rang. Her friend Kyoko stood on the porch, as expected.
"Nabiki?" she asked, tentatively.
"It's still me," Nabiki replied. "I haven't had a chance to do it, yet. Ranma's busy with his cooking challenge; I'll have to wait until this afternoon. Kuno's not supposed to come by until about 4:30, so I've got some time."
"I can't believe you're going to do this," Kyoko said.
Nabiki smiled. "Oh, it won't be my first date with Kuno-chan."
"I know," Kyoko said, "but this will be different."
"You get to see it all," Nabiki said. She handed Kyoko a black leather bag with a wide shoulder strap. "You do know how to use that, don't you?"
"Please," Kyoko said. "I've taken my share of photographs. You're hardly the only extortionist in school."
Nabiki smiled. "I knew there was a reason we get along so well!"
"Don't worry," Kyoko said. "I'll take as many shots as I can. I'll be sure to get a few suitable for enlarging, framing, and placing in the walls of the Kuno mansion ... assuming there are open spaces left."
"There aren't many," Nabiki said.
Kyoko shrugged. "I suppose he could put some on the ceiling."
"Trust me," Nabiki said, "he's already thought of that."
***
Happosai sat at the Tendo family table, a bib tied around his neck and a special set of chopsticks held in one hand. "Come on!" he called out, pounding the table. "Let's get the show on the road! I've got a busy schedule today, and I want to get this over with!"
Akane emerged from the kitchen, carrying a steaming plate of food. At least, it looked like Akane. Happosai, having been warned about the new round of switched bodies, managed to only twitch once at the sight. However, it was evident from the food itself that this was not actually Akane's cooking. The meal was elaborately arranged, and quite pleasing to look at.
Within the next two minutes Ranma set several more dishes on the table, all equally pleasing to the eye. There was rice, both steamed and fried, and spicy stir-fried vegetables. There was a plate of pork dumplings, a bowl of soup, and several main dishes.
"Crispy shredded beef?" Happosai said, piling food onto his plate. "Ma-Po Tofu? This is Szechuan food, or from that general area. Oh, look! Deep-fried shrimp, with scallions, and a spicy peppercorn dip!"
The not-so-venerable master of the anything-goes school paused to glare at his gender-challenged student.
"Nice try, Ranma! You think you can win by cooking something Kasumi's never made? It won't be that easy, my boy! Why, in my youth I traveled the length and breadth of China, savoring meals from the finest chefs in the land. Think you can compete with that? Ha!"
Soun and Mr. Panda looked on, weeping. Soun wept for the cost of the lavish meal, while the Panda wept that it be eaten by someone who did not appreciate it as he would.
Happosai took a bite. His eyes went wide with surprise.
"It's... it's not bad..." he said. He took a few more bites.
"...not bad at all, actually," he added. Suddenly he wolfed the entire plate down, then quickly slurped up the three-flavor soup.
"Well?" Ranma asked.
"Okay, it's good," Happosai said. "I admit it. But not good enough."
"Not good enough?" Ranma said, bristling.
"You're a talented cook, Ranma," Happosai said. "You're much better than I gave you credit for. But as good as Kasumi? Ha! That'll be the day! Face it boy! You've lost! You never even stood a chance!"
"I'm not done yet!" Ranma growled. She produced another meal and set it on the table. Happosai's eyes went wide with surprise.
"Bon-Bon Chicken?" he croaked. "Why, I haven't had that in...." His eyes went out of focus as the memories washed over him. "It's been so long, so very long...."
He snapped back into focus, glaring at Ranma.
"Ha! This seals your fate, Ranma! You may not have realized it, but in my youth I was in love with a woman who made Bon-Bon Chicken for me every Sunday! It was her specialty, and one of my favorite foods! Nobody makes it like she did! Nobody!" The diminuative master stabbed the air in Ranma's direction with his chopsticks. "Do you see, boy? You've fallen into a trap! How can you possibly compete against the cooking of my love, one hundred years gone? You're finished, boy! Doomed! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Happosai paused, then took a bite. Again, his eyes grew wide.
"There must be some mistake," he muttered. He glanced back at Ranma. "Are you sure you made this yourself?"
"I saw her do it," Nabiki said. Akane and Soun chimed in, while Mr. Panda held up a "Ranma did it" sign.
Happosai took another bite. He chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed. Then, so quickly that his movements could not be tracked, he devoured the rest of the meal.
"More!" he demanded, handing the plate back to Ranma.
"Ha!" Ranma said. "You like it, don't you?"
Happosai's eyes narrowed. "Exactly where did you learn to cook like this?"
"Two words," Ranma said. "Special training."
"Ha! I knew it!" the old man crowed. "This is Cologne's old recipe, I'd bet my life on it! Oh, it takes me back to my youth... those were blessed, carefree days, wandering the world, seeking my fortune...." he paused, glaring at Ranma again, "...before I had to deal with ungrateful students!"
"Do you want more," Ranma said, "or don't you?"
"Yes!" Happosai said, assuming his best puppy-dog-eyes, please-take-pity-on-me look. "More! Please! More!"
***
Tears flowed down Happosai's face. He sniffled, then blew his nose. He might have been mistaken for Soun Tendo, give or take four feet.
"I know you don't appreciate them like I do," he said in a choked voice. "Just promise me you'll try to take care of them, okay? That's all I ask, that you try to treat them with even a little of the love and respect I've lavished on them."
Ranma looked at his perverted master, then at the pile of pastel underwear. It rose to a height of more than four feet, dominating the center of Akane's room. Akane sat on the bed, in shock, while Nabiki stood nearby, smirking.
"Give me a break!" Ranma yelled. "Where the heck did you get all of this? This can't all be Akane's!"
"I'm afraid it is," Nabiki said. "He's been stealing multiple pairs a week for more than a year."
"So what's it got to do with me?" Ranma growled.
"The deal," Nabiki said, "was that, if you win, Akane would get her underwear back. Now that you're Akane, all of this is yours, Ranma! Enjoy yourself!"
"En... joy...?" Ranma said. "Now what's that supposed to mean?"
"Don't worry, Ranma," Nabiki said. "There's nothing hentai about a girl collecting girl's underwear."
"Hentai!" Ranma said. "I'm not collecting... I didn't do this... I didn't want... aaaargh! I'm not interested in girl's underwear!"
"How can you say that about my pretties!" Happosai cried. "I put my heart and soul into collecting them!"
"Of course you're not interested, Ranma," Nabiki said. "Really, I believe you. Now, don't just leave them sitting in a pile like that. Fold them and put them away, okay?"
Kasumi appeared in the doorway. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "Where will we put it all? I'd better find a few extra boxes!"
Akane finally stirred. "I... I'll help you, Ranma," she said. "Kasumi and Nabiki will help too, I'm sure." She glared pointedly at Nabiki, who looked back at her with disdain.
Nabiki sighed. "Okay, I'll help." She lifted a pair from the top of the pile and held them up, frowning. "Pink teddy bears?" She looked over at Ranma. "How cute."
"It's not like they're mine!" Ranma protested.
"Oh, they're yours now." Nabiki said. "In fact, you could wear these to school tomorrow."
"No!" A look of horror crossed Ranma's face. At least... at least Kasumi's underwear had been more practical than cute... "No, I could never...."
"Of course you could, dear Akane. You've done it before, right?"
***
Folding panties was not an exciting way to spend the afternoon, but with the knowledge of what awaited her that evening, Nabiki cherished every moment. With four of them, the work went quickly, and she had fun causing Ranma and Akane no end of embarassment. Unfortunately, she couldn't stave off the inevitable. As the clock crept towards three o'clock, and they placed the last of the underwear into Akane's dresser, Nabiki made her move.
Slipping a hand around Ranma's shoulder, she placed the brooch at the back of Ranma's neck, just inside her collar, and moved forward, quickly. Their heads collided, and the brooch slipping from her hand and down the back of Ranma's shirt. Only it was her shirt, now. She felt the object nestled at the base of her spine, trapped by her belt.
"Gomen, Ranma," she said. "I didn't mean to hit you...." Her voice trailed off as she stared down at herself. "What happened?" she asked, trying to sound confused. "What am I doing wearing Akane's clothes?"
"Not again!" Ranma cried in dismay.
Akane and Kasumi's eyes grew wide. "What, you've switched with Nabiki now?" Akane said. "Who's it gonna be next? Dad? Grandfather Happosai?"
"No!" Ranma said. "No more! It ends here! Tell me, Nabiki, what did we do? Aside from bump heads, that is. I was sitting here... you touched my neck...." Ranma frowned. "That's it. Nothing in common with the other switches that I can tell. Aaaargh! Why can't we can figure this out?!?"
She turned on Akane. "Maybe it only works at certain times of the day!" she exclaimed. "Akane! Bump heads with me!"
"What? That would put me in my sister's body! If anything, I'd just as soon bump heads with my own body...."
Ignoring her protests, Ranma launched herself at her former body. Their heads collided, without any apparent effect.
"IT'S NOT WORKING!" Ranma screamed. "What am I doing wrong?!?"
Nabiki sat down on Akane's bed. While pretending to adjust her clothing, she quickly pulled her top loose and worked the brooch free. Once it was in her hands, she felt a bit safer. Luckily, Akane didn't seem inclined to bump heads without warning.
Her sister's body was shorter, more powerful and compact than her own. It was different, but not too different, and she wasn't interested in exploring those differences. She had no plans to get involved in martial arts as Kasumi had done; just a few hours with Kuno, a quick kiss, and she was out of here.
"Well, this ought to be interesting," Nabiki said. "I get to be my own sister. At least my hair's still short...."
***
Ranma and Akane lay sprawled out in the family room, watching television. It wasn't Ranma's favorite pastime, but she saw no point in working out while in Nabiki's body, especially when she might be someone else tomorrow. Luckily an old Jackie Chan flick was showing. Ranma was always up for goofy, mindless action, no matter what body she was in.
Akane was in red-haired girl form, and wearing some of her own clothing, loose shorts and a yellow top. Ranma had on a pair of Nabiki's short shorts and a loose tee-shirt. Shorts weren't Ranma's style, but Nabiki's jeans were as tight and confining as a straight jacket, and Ranma wasn't about to put on another dress.
"Now I've been every Tendo sister in the house," Ranma said. "That's it. I'm going to go to the ghoul, right after this movie."
"Not tonight, Ranma," Akane said. "It'll be too late. After school tomorrow, okay?"
"But I don't want to go to school as Nabiki!"
Akane placed her hand on her forehead. "Why do these things happen to you, Ranma? Our life was almost normal before you showed up."
"If you call getting attacked by half the school every morning normal," Ranma said.
"You know what I mean!"
Ranma sighed. "I don't know what it is, Akane. I've got this weirdness magnet or something."
Someone could be heard coming down the stairs, and the two glanced up to see Nabiki, in a red dress, with a jacket on and a purse slung over her shoulder.
"Where are you going, in my body?" Akane asked, voice laced with suspicion.
"I have plans for the evening," Nabiki said. "I'm not going to let being in my sister's body spoil them. Ta ta!"
The door closed behind her, and there was silence. Akane and Ranma looked at each other.
"Did she look just a little dressed up to you?" Ranma asked.
"A little?" Akane said. "That's one of my best dresses!"
"And didn't she seem to take this whole switching thing a little too calmly?" Ranma continued.
"Now that you mention it," Akane said, "she was pretty calm about it. I mean, Nabiki's usually calm, but she's also usually in her own body...."
"I don't know what it is," Ranma said, "but she's up to something. She was on the phone off and on all afternoon, you know."
Akane's eyes narrowed. "I didn't notice," she said. "I guess I was out fighting your dad at the time. What could she be up to now?"
"I'm not sure I want to know."
"Well I do!" Akane said, getting up. "Come on, Ranma! That's my body she's in, so we're following her."
"Ah, man," Ranma said, "right before a fight scene!"
***
END PART EIGHT
Remember, if the world hands you lemons, fight back! Write something different!
Enjoy! And if you don't, write me anyway!
M.A. Davis aka "Miko"
[email protected]
http://listen.to/bell/
Monkey Head Butting Part Nine
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