Miko Presents Galaxy Police Officer Operative A in:
You Only Die A Dozen Times
(a decidedly odd spamfic, with some decidedly odd crossovers)
Operative A is my favorite furry dead guy. Nobody confronts evil like him, and nobody dies like him. That's why I've written this series of short fan-fics, to show him confronting evil of all types, and dying.
Overall theme music: Exquisite Dead Guy, They Might Be Giants
**Episode One: Operative A vs. Kain (The Classic!)**
Energy blasts rained down on Kain. He glanced up, irritated.
"Pathetic," he said as he rose to meet his new opponent. A furry humanoid in a familiar uniform confronted him.
"Well," Kain said, "a survivor form the Galaxy Police Force. What magnificent skill you have shown in tracking me all the way here."
He ripped the massive energy weapon away, taking Operative A's arm in the process. His hand closed into a fist about the the officer's neck and body.
"I'll get you, Kain, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
Kain squeezed. "Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Moments later, is severed upper torso was flung across the floor....
**Episode Two: Operative A vs. Darth Vader**
Darth Vader stepped forward, his blood-red lightsaber held before him.
"A survivor from the Rebel Galaxy Police Force?" he rasped. "What magnificent skill you have shown, to track me all the way here! Sadly, I must inform you that I am not your father... but if you join me, we can rule the galaxy together!"
"I'll get you, Darth Vader, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A growled. He swung his yellow lightsaber in what would be a killing blow.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as Darth Vader's saber cut him in half. His severed upper torso was flung across the floor....
**Episode Three: Operative A vs. Ghengis Khan**
"You will die," the Khan of Khans exclaimed, drawing his scimitar.
"I'll get you, Khan, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A cried, drawing his weapon.
The Khan raised his sword, and thirty horsemen with recurve bows let their arrows fly.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A exclaimed, as his pin-cushioned body was flung across the steppes.
**Episode Four: Operative A vs. The Wicked Witch Of The West**
"Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!" the witch exclaimed, standing on her left foot. She was wearing a strange-looking golden cap.
Operative A drew his super-soaker.
"Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo!" she continued, standing on her right foot.
"I'll get you, wicked witch, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
"Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!" the witch cried out, flat-footed. The skies darkened, and there was a thundering sound created by the rush of wings, combined with a great chattering and laughter.
"And your little dog Toto too!" Operative A added, as he pulled the trigger.
"Hey! That's my line!" the witch exclaimed. A hoard of winged monkeys surrounded her, shielding her from the blast of water. A group broke off and attacked the Galaxy Police Officer.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Half of his body flew across the floor....
**Episode Five: Operative A vs. Dennis Rodman**
Dennis Rodman was wearing a lovely, lace-trimmed wedding dress.
"So you tracked me all the way here," he said. "That's supposed to impress me?"
"I'll get you, Worm, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
The tattooed athlete kicked Operative A in the groin while grabbing a loose basketball.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Half of his body flew across the floor....
**Episode Six: Operative A vs. Barney**
"You found me!" Barney exclaimed. "That was very good work!"
"I'll get you, Barney, if it's that last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
Barney hugged Operative A. "I love you," he said. "You love me."
"Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Half of his body flew across the floor....
**Episode Seven: Operative A vs. The Grinch**
Everybody liked Galaxy Policemen a lot,
But the grinch, the old Christmas-time thief, did not!
He hated the Galaxy Police with a passion!
Now, please don't ask why -- in this fic, it's the fashion.
I could say that his heart was two sizes too small,
But you know that already, if you know things at all.
Operative A drew his plasma raygun with a sneer,
Aimed it straight at the grinch, as he said, "I am here!"
"So, you've tracked me across all the vast, starry waste!"
The grinch said, "But beware, for it's now ME you face!"
"I'll get you!" the Galaxy Officer cried,
"I'll get you! I'll get you, before I have died!"
He fired a shot, which the grinch dodged with poise,
But oh, the terrible, horrible noise!
"I hate it!" the grinch cried, "I hate it a lot!"
"All that NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! It must end, 'ere I'm shot!"
Then he got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE GRINCH
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch said with a gloat.
"I'll strangle the man, with my hands 'round his throat!"
He strangled the operative, just as he'd schemed!
"Aaaaaigh!" The Galaxy Police Officer screamed!
His face, although furry, began turning blue,
And for some unknown reason, he split clean in two.
One half of his body was flung 'cross the floor,
And thus ends my tale, for I know nothing more.
**Episode Eight: Operative A vs. Pixy Misa**
"Oh ho ho ho ho!" Pixy Misa laughed evilly. "Are you looking for me, little boy? I"ll give you a beating you won't soon forget!"
"I'll get you, Pixy Misa, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
The blonde girl in the leather dress began to spin about. "Pixy Sexual Fire Bomber!" she exclaimed, releasing a massive blast of flaming energy.
"Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as half his body flew across the floor....
**Episode Nine: Operative A vs. Damamaru**
"So!" the mighty warrior Damamaru exclaimed. "You have tracked me all the way here! How foolish of you -- now that I have this magnificent mechanical body, created by blacksmith Tony, I am invincible!"
"I'll get you, Damamaru, if it's the last thing I do!" Operative A screamed.
"Screaming light beam!" Damamaru yelled, and a brilliant beam of light erupted from his chest.
"Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. "Wha... I'm still alive?"
"Not for long!" Damamaru exclaimed. "Rapid machine gun!" Hot lead spewed from his forearms.
"Ultra bomb!" he yelled, and a rocket was launched from his groin.
"Damamaru super alloy kick!" he exclaimed, kicking at the Galaxy Police Officer.
"Mecha Roshi!" Damamaru called out.
A diminutive mecha-bird screamed down from the skies. It landed at Operative A's feet and began to peck at his toes.
"Damn that blacksmith Tony!" the mechanized warrior said. "I thought he'd fixed that! Well, I still have the finger water squirt gun!" He pointed his finger at Operative A, and a small stream of water shot out, soaking Operative A's shirt.
Operative A glanced down at himself. "I'm... I'm still alive!" he exclaimed, although a tiny faux bird was still pecking at his foot. He looked back up and glared at Damamaru, then drew his police blaster.
"You're too incompetent to defeat even someone with my bad luck," Operative A growled, taking aim.
The round knob in the center of Damamaru's helmet extended forward a foot. Damamaru gripped the metal cylinder and withdrew an energy sword, seemingly from his forehead.
Operative A fired. Damamaru tripped, and the shot sailed over his shoulder. His energy sword flew up in the air, flipped end over end, and fell back, burying itself in his head.
"Defeated again?" Dormamaru exclaimed. "Will I ever advance enough ranks to get my three meals a day? I, Damamaru, shall regret this."
He fell forward...
...and the sword, sticking out the side of his head, sliced cleanly through Operative A.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed, as half his body was cast across the floor....
**Episode Ten: Operative A vs. The Spanish Inquisition**
"I'll get you, Spanish Inquisition," Operative A exclaimed, with little enthusiasm. "I'll get you if it's the last thing I do. Something like that, anyway."
The cardinal in red robes grimaced evilly. "Nobody gets the Spanish Inquisition!" he declared. "Our main weapon is fear! Fear and surprise! Surprise and fear!" He paused, assessing his words. "Our TWO main weapons are... well, never mind that. Cardinal Fang! Bring out the fluffy pillows!"
Cardinal Fang produced two cushions and proceeded to poke Operative A.
"Aaaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Half of his body flew across the floor....
**Episode Eleven: Operative A vs. Doug Fin, son of Azatodeth the devil**
"I just want to make it clear," Operative A said, "that throwing two villains from one goofy anime series at me is really, really lame. Does the author love the series that much, or is he just a lazy researcher who can't think of any better ideas?"
"Shut up!" Doug Fin, the diminutive kid with the furry ears, exclaimed. "I am an Azatodeth devil, and we are the leaders of all evil beings! Know that you have disobeyed our code, saying that you would kill Azatodeth! For this, you must die!"
"No I didn't," Operative A said, "although, if it comes to it, I'm sure I'd give it my best shot. Look, the author's even rehashing dialogue from the original anime. How lame can you get? Besides, I'm the one supposed to be threatening to kill you!"
"Shut up! I don't care about story continuity!" Doug Fin exclaimed. "I'm just pissed because I didn't make the cut for that Muyami fic. I could really get into a battle with Mamano Hunter Yohko, or Inu-Yasha, but no! I have to fight you in this stupid, plotless mess!"
"I'll get you," Operative A said, obviously quoting from memory. "I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do... etc. etc."
"Burn to ash!" Doug Fin exclaimed, tossing a wave of fire at the Galaxy Police Officer. Operative A didn't even bother to scream. His char-broiled body rolled across the floor, listlessly.
**Episode Twelve: Operative A vs. Microsoft Windows 98**
"This program has performed an illegal operation, and will be shut down," the dialog box said.
Operative A became enraged. "What? But I haven't saved yet! Aaaargh! I'll get you, you stupid operating system, if it's the last thing I do!"
The system crashed. "Aaaaigh!" Operative A screamed. Half of his body flew across the floor...