Cruel and Unusual Punishment
M A Davis / Miko
plot: Miko, Sky Rigdon, Jeffrey Cornish
4-1-99
"You've been screwing around on Earth again, haven't you?"
The trickster half-god Loki, lounging with three beautiful goddesses in his bedchambers, glanced up in irritation as the god Toltiir strolled in. "What the hell do you want?" he growled. "In case you can't see, I'm busy."
"Don't swear," Toltiir shot back. "You know He doesn't like it. As for your plans for the evening... cancel them. I'm here as an emissary from the Almighty Himself, so this takes precedence."
Loki cursed again, then rolled over and sat up. "Okay, girls," he said, "you heard the man. We'll have to do this later. I'll call you."
"_Much_ later," Toltiir added.
"Yeah, whatever," the trickster said. He began to dress, as the three goddesses gathered their things and left. When they were gone and he was done, he sat on the edge of the bed and regarded the smirking god before him.
"This had better be good," Loki said.
"Oh, I assure you," Toltiir replied, "it is." He took a seat in a nearby chair, still smirking. "So, as I said when I arrived... you've been screwing around on Earth again, haven't you?"
"For example?" Loki asked.
"This 'Melissa' virus, for starters," Toltiir said. "It's your handiwork, isn't it?"
Loki sighed.
"Look," he said, "I'll admit, it was my idea, but I didn't even program it. All I did was help some stupid mortal put it together... what can I say? Word 97 crashed on me one too many times, and I kind of got pissed off. It happens."
Toltiir raised an eyebrow. "Perhaps, Loki," he said, "but it's caused a lot of grief down on Earth, and now it's invaded the Yggdrasil system itself, you know."
"That's not my fault. People have been altering it left and right. Can I help it if some mortal was clever enough to create a version that attacks heaven's own computer systems?"
"I doubt anyone's going to buy that story," Toltiir said. "Especially Him. He's been watching you, you know. This is about more than just a stupid virus... this is about those get-rich-quick e-mail scams, and the long-distance phone scams, and the mess in Kosovo, and your recent involvement in Amway... not to mention convincing that one religious leader that Tinky Winky was a gay character...."
"Well?" Loki countered. "Think about it! He's got a triangle on his head... and his magic purse!"
"Loki!"
"Okay, okay," Loki said. "It's just that humans are so gullible and so much fun to tease. There's nothing in heaven that's half as entertaining as messing with a human mind."
"The Almighty does not see things the same way," Toltiir said. "He's decided to put a stop to it. Now."
"Yeah? What's he going to do? He's tried everything to keep me in line, hasn't he? You know it's not going to work, so why even bother trying?"
"Actually," Toltiir said, "he's been watching some of the earthling shows again...."
"God, I hate it when he watches TV."
"Don't take His name in vain; it'll only make things worse. Anyway, He thinks he's found a perfect punishment for you this time, and for once, I'm inclined to agree with him....
***
Belldandy smiled and blinked in confusion.
"So you're stuck on Earth too? And the Almighty decided to make you our pet?"
Loki nodded. Urd, standing nearby, got that strange expression on her face that meant she was desperately trying to hold her laughter in.
"But you're also supposed to transport us anywhere we want to go?" Belldandy continued.
Loki nodded again. It was just about the only meaningful response he could manage at the moment.
"So," Belldandy said, "what are you supposed to be? A cat?"
Urd finally burst out laughing. "Oh, Belldandy, don't you get it? He's Ryo-Loki!"
"Miyaa!" the half-god said, forlornly.
FINI